Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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