let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
