He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
