theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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