i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
