i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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