Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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