sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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