i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
