I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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