Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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