i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
