On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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