At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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