you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
