This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
