chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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