I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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