so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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