i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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