does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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