it's like her boobs came off with her bra
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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