from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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