We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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