dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
