I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
