Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
