me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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