dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
