oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
