fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
