Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
