there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
