Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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