Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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