Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
