My first STD was from a foam party
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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