Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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