oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
