I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
