vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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