I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
