It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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