I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
