Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
