Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
