My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
