Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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