my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
