I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
