I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
