So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
