You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Barsexuality is the new black.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
