Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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