i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
