he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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