he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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