I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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