I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
