Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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