By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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