butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
