I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
