I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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