In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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