I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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