Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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