i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
