Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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