FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
