fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos