Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why are you drunk at the library?