the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober