hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20