You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...