The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
