I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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