He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
