I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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