I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
