i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
