Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
3 2 1 whiskey
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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