my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
