In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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