Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
