I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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