How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
